Parents and Kids Weigh in on Their Family’s Tech Protocol

The debate rages everywhere—in parenting groups, online, in advice columns. And of course, very vocally at home. Kids beg for more, more, more screen time. Today more than half of US parents of teens limit their access to devices. At least somewhat. But there’s hardly a consensus on what is right and wrong. (For some guidance, see “A Food Pyramid for Kids’ Media Consumption.”) Mostly, everyone’s finding their own way through, figuring out what works for their own brood. Like these three families.

LEVEL 1 > Lockdown

Kids > Esme (8), Skyla (5)
Parents > Ia & Jon | Santa Cruz, CA

Monitoring tech used: None, but the kids don’t have handheld devices, and the family doesn’t have cable or streaming TV. Their antenna brings in only one children’s network: PBS Kids. Jon has a tablet, and under parental supervision the girls can occasionally play games on it. But no YouTube allowed.

Screen time limit: On average, one 30-minute show after school on weekdays; one to two hours of PBS on weekend mornings, sometimes unsupervised while Mom sleeps in and Dad putters around the house.

Parent POV: “I grew up with TV everywhere, and it doesn’t seem to have adversely affected me. But we were looser before with both girls and saw that their behavior was terrible when they first started watching Netflix. They were screaming, ‘I need Sofia the First NOW!’ So we did full cleanses of nothing, and now they’re fine. They don’t even care that much about screens.” —Ia

Kid POV: “I wish I could watch more shows. But I like to play outside or color. I want to play videogames. I want to play Fortnite or Minecraft, and I’m not sure why I don’t.” —Esme [Narrator’s voice: It’s because her parents won’t let her.]

LEVEL 2 > Under Watch

Kids > Dante (15), Kiana (11)
Parent > Kira | Victoria, BC

Monitoring tech used: OurPact app, iOS Screen Time, Find My iPhone. OurPact limits the kids’ phones to just sending and receiving calls and texts during school hours and from 8 pm to 7 am. Screen Time limits Safari browsing, turns off gaming and Siri, and blocks explicit content. Find My iPhone lets Kira track the kids’ locations in the event of an emergency. The kids can’t have social media until ninth grade. When Dante got Instagram, Kira shared the account with him and sometimes saw his DMs. When he began to be bullied, she intercepted the DMs and talked to him about them. Ultimately Dante chose to suspend his account. They have no TV, only a projector for movie night. Dante has a laptop, which he needs permission to use.

DISCUSSION

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Screen time limit: 30 minutes on weekdays, 60 minutes on weekends, and one family movie night a week.

Parent POV: “I don’t want to delve into their personal lives, and when they are able to navigate sensibly on their own, I’ll step back. But initially there are grounds for being cautious.” —Kira

Kid POV: “I haven’t had any social media yet. I want to have Instagram when I’m old enough. I’m an extrovert.” —Kiana

“I had social media in grade 9, but it was too addictive. And when I was on it, other teenagers were bullying me. I felt pretty good about my mom having joint access, and she was definitely helpful when things popped up. I just want to have real-life friendships.” —Dante

LEVEL 3 > Free-for-All

Kids > Acher (6), Noah (3)
Parents > Corby & Matt | Salt Lake City

Monitoring tech used: None. Acher and Noah watch YouTube Kids. Occasionally Corby will go through Acher’s search history. Both boys have their own iPads, and they can play online games and watch streaming shows.

Screen time limit: None.

Parent POV: “Originally, when Acher was a baby, I didn’t want him watching TV. I was worried that he would get sucked into it and he would become a zombie kid. Then he got an iPad for Christmas from a grandparent, and I was a little skeptical at first, but he seemed to be really interested in the world. I believe that technology is a good tool.”
—Corby

“I agree. I like to give them opportunity and free rein to go out and explore.” —Matt

Kid POV: “I really want a YouTube channel. My first idea I can think of is merch. I don’t really know the channel’s name yet. Mom and Dad said I can if I can think of a good idea.”
—Acher

Parent POV: “We were recently called into a meeting with Acher’s teachers, who were concerned when he wrote in an assignment that he wanted to be an ethical hacker and ‘delete bad hacker [YouTube] videos’ when he grows up. That was fun explaining to them our philosophy on letting them explore and using technology as a force for learning.” —Corby

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